so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
