I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
