Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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