he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
