My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
