Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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