Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
