Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize