I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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