Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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