i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
