toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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