Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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