Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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