Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize