I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
