i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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