so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
