I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
