Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
