I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
two words: eviction party
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
