woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
