That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
