so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
