It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
