Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
