I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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