I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
