i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
