i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
