Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize