I wanna bring you to show and tell
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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