But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize