Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
