Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want her autograph on my taint
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
