"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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