Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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