Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
