i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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