You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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