planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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