garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
