is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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