All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
