Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
