my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
