she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize