I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
