1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
