You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
