Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to be your penis for a week.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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