Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
