it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
