We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I came so hard my ears popped.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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