i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize