I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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