i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
