So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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