WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
