You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
