I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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