I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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