your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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