I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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