And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
