**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
