is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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