Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
