Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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