First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
