Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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