i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
