When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
