some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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